Separation from the Diary Reverend’s journal: A week before execution Why do we belong to this world? There might be a lot of options to answer the question. Optimists would say we come to this world to make the world a better place. Pessimists would say we are just the pawns of god who have no reason to live. But I will come with a diplomatic answer. I think most of us are here to fulfill the chain of ecosystem. We eat animal and trees to survive. After our death trees animals eat us, and then again our offspring eat animals and trees. But only a few of us get the honor to contribute to the ecosystem. They make the ecosystem better and more efficient. Those are worthy to belong to this world……oh damn what am I writing? Shouldn’t I write about god or something about ‘hereafter’? That would be more likely for a reverend? I don’t know. I used to think that all the people who had calm and slow death found out the answers of their unresolved questions. Now I know I was so in the wrong. I am becoming restless day by day with no one to share my agony. But I was never like this before. I was at complete peace before killing those two little angels……yes I am one of those few unlucky some might say ruthless reverend who is going to executed for killing two little children after a week from now. Reverend’s journal: 6 days before execution Ghandhi once said -‘Be the change you want to see in the world ’. This quote was the first to inspire me to become a priest. I never had any hidden talent or world changing aptitude. So I was never meant to be someone to contribute to the ecosystem. But I was in love with the idea of becoming the change i wanna see in the world. That’s why I became a padre….so naïve huh. This world is like a filthy gutter. A gutter over which the road of greed and aristocracy goes along. Poor and innocent people are standing in that gutter. When the drain accumulated with the filth of murder and corruption of the politicians scab over, those people are about to drown. They look up and scream out of fear ”save us. ” The hands of the so called aristocrat vermins barely stretches out. All the policy makers and intellectuals talk in vain just to get paid with big bucks through their platinum American express cards. This world is standing on the brink of the sea of perdition. ‘Sin’ is the only seductress here. How the hell a poor reverend who ends up in killing innocent children is supposed to be the change? An atheist once told me that I did nothing but holding and kissing the firm and petite hands of virgin girls and superstitious women. After all these years I think that he was right. I did nothing but taking confessions and conducting funerals. And finally I am gonna sit on the electric chair for killing two innocent children. What an irony! Reverends journal: 5 days before execution September 13th,2010. This is the day that turned my whole world upside down. It started like all other days. Nothing more, nothing less. I did the morning prayer at the church and started for joining the monthly meeting of Royal Catholics Association on the upcoming Epiphany. On my way back my cell phone rang. It was a slight deviation of concentration from the road and…… Jesus Christ I could’ve saved those two little girls, maybe one if i took them to the hospital instantly. But I ran away. I let them die on the street, snatched away all the happiness and causes to live from a mother. At night i felt terrified. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat. How could i? I was supposed to bring peace in the grieving hearts, calm the agitation and restlessness inside human. Rather I am the one who….oh god I can’t even think of it. After two days when I surrendered, people around were saying what kind of a man can do such a terrible thing . Yes, I am the monstrous kind, I am the vermin who messes up everything. Reverend’s journal: 4 days before execution When I was born, my parents gave me a name. After 23 years I was given the name ‘Padre’ and now I am named as Prisoner#125 on the death row. In my cell all I do is writing and thinking of my past sins. Well,I can recall three of’em. First, I kissed a girl forcefully when I was 15 . Second. I stole some cents from my father at the age I cant remember and the third one….I cant remember that too. None of them is so grave to be punished like this. All I wanted is remain on the path of Christ and die with the glory and satisfaction to be a soldier of Alpha and Omega. Then why My Lord made me do something this terrible? Are we just the pawns of his mysterious game? Is he a watchful protector or the greatest comedian ever emerged? All these blaspheme questions trouble my mind these days. Its like an ache in such place inside the heart that we’re not aware of. reverend’s journal: 3 days before execution Got two surprise today. Warden asked me what I would like to eat as my last dinner. Almost like The Last Supper, isn’t it? Well, that wasn’t much of a surprise. The next one was likely to be put before the death itself. The mother wanted to talk to me. The lady from whom I snatched away all the sunshine, to whom I made the moon gloomy and pale. But the most unexpected thing was what she told me? She said she did forgive me and want to clear off all the charges. Am I worthy of that? I think not. The fact is that as a priest it was my duty to enlighten the heart of human with compassion? But now at the very end this women taught me how humane a human heart can be? This is the legacy of human. But I don’t belong here. The world wouldn’t bother if a reckless, irresponsible reverend pass away. So why keeping this miserable life? I will be sort of quarantined on the day before I will be electrified. How would it feel to be electrified? Nobody ever lived to tell the story. Current of 50000 volts will pass through your body frying your brain and heart. Disgusting smell of burnt flesh will fill up room. Now I’m prepared for that. Reverend’s journal: the end Dear diary, I can’t delineate how much I owe you? You’ve always been my best friend, my relief from loneliness and depression. I dealt all of my sufferings and all those things which I cant share anyone with you. Now that I have done a dire mistake, I am gonna pay for it with my life. So this would be the detachment from you. Thanks for being so nice to me. Goodbye…… Md. Itmam labib #0910022