Now that you've (hopefully) finished your Christmas shopping, it's the perfect time to start thinking about some collective New Year's resolutions.
It's up to you as an individual to decide if you want to eat more salad or be more positive in 2014, but there are some blanket resolutions everyone can live by.
See also: Everything That Happened in 2013 in Just 6 Minutes
And if we stick with them, together, it's going to be a very promising new year.
Give your thighs a rest.
The next time that song should be played is at the class of 2013's ten year reunion. And not a day before.
The Cumberbitches won't back down. People who think he looks like a pale angular lizard won't back down. It's time to end the futile war.
Turn. Your. Phone.
You're not fooling anyone crumbnut.
It's getting concerning, guys.
This is how tongue fungus spreads, people.*
*Maybe? I feel like that's how it would spread.
There will be another deeply flawed anti-hero to fill the void soon enough.
Because no one wants that on their gravestone.
We have a new one now. No more excuses.
It's just not going to happen.
Image: James Devaney/WireImage