Dating can be a jungle. If you're with someone, the hours scouring dating websites have finally paid off (that, or the local bartender misses pouring your favorite brew). But finding love and keeping it are two different battles. Every relationship is unique, and the best way to keep the person you're with happy is to be yourself. Unless, of course, your gut instinct is to do something 75% of women don't like.
Singles in America, an annual academic survey developed by biological anthropologist and Rutgers University professor Helen Fisher, and sponsored by Match.com, posed questions to singles of all ages and preferences, coast to coast, to determine the norms for dating in the present age.
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While most isn't too surprising (men enjoy sexy texts), some information may cause you to second-guess your ways (36% of singles in their 20s judge a date by their electronic device — and no, the fact that she doesn't experience the exact same Angry Birds UI as you is no excuse for being device-ist).
Whether you prefer to go with the grain in your dating activities, or to the beat of your own drum, you'll find the survey's data fascinating, to say the least.
Is it rude to check your phone on a first date? Probably, because less than half of singles do. Gay men were the most respectful at 37% who dared pull out their phone, followed by heterosexual men at 38% and lesbian women at 40%. Heterosexual women were the worst offenders, at 47%. Let's hope it was just a call from Mom, not a new Tinder match, that caused the distraction.
But the best argument for leaving your phone in your pocket or handbag is, as mentioned earlier, that up to 37% of people might judge a date by the device they carry, namely, 36% of singles in their 20s, 28% in their 30s, 25% in their 40s and around 20% over age 50. It's not so surprising, as a first date is often a time when your brain is linking superficial behaviors as a reason to see or not see this person again. Is use of an inferior OS so bad as, say, speaking with your mouth full? You might not want to risk it.
You haven't gotten a reply to that text, but you've got a few minutes to kill in the line at Starbucks — why not strike up an SMS conversation with your love interest now? Well, because 59% of men and women are turned off when someone texts more than once before a reply. This was the biggest turn off for men, followed by texting during work hours, 45%, and text slang, 39% (such as "U" instead of "you").
Women, on the other hand, do enjoy texts during work hours (63%), most likely due to "web thinking," or connections between brain hemispheres, which enables them to better cope with distractions at work.
"Tetal testosterone compartmentalizes the male brain—giving many men the ability to focus deeply, but narrowly," Fisher says. "As a result of this brain architecture, many men prefer to do one thing at a time — an email from a potential mate just distracts their focus."
Women, on the other hand, were turned off by both sexy photos (75%) and selfies (61%). This makes it sound like she doesn't want to see you at all, but perhaps she'd just prefer to see you IRL, not on her phone. The quality of selfies was not accounted for in the study.
Don't worry, we won't leave you without tips on what you should text. Men, the visual creatures we know them to be, like sexy photos (75%), non-sexual photos (77%) and emoticons (73%). Along with texts during work hours, women also enjoy non-sexual photos (79%) and emoticons (76%).
A picture is worth a thousand words, but the impact can go both ways — if those photos get into the wrong hands. It's not just ex-lovers who might compromise your private photos, but hackers can also intercept emails to gain content for revenge porn sites (Hunter Moore, owner of some of these sites, was recently arrested for conspiring with a hacker to steal photos).
That said, 36% of women have sent a sexy photo, along with 35% of men. What's more surprising is that a quarter of singles (26% of men and 23% of women) have shared a sexy photo they've received with others — the rate goes up to 31% for singles in their 30s who share photos they've received with others.
While the fear of your photos getting posted online may not stop someone from sending them, would you hold back knowing his or her friends might see it, too?
Photos aside, sexting could include sexually explicit text messages, which still express intimacy but are less risky. Of women, 40% have sent a sexually explicit text, compared to 48% of men.
It's up to you to decide if your next dating play should be influenced by this new information about the singles amongst us. If all else fails, we recommend you send an emoticon.