It turns out that even Sir David Attenborough can't teach us anything about curling.
BBC Radio's Greg James convinced the legendary British nature documentary narrator to provide an alternative commentary for winter's most mysterious sport. It won't clear up anything over how curling is played, but the giggles make up for it.
See also: GoPro Video Makes Curling Look Downright Majestic
Attenborough takes his usual scientific nature doc approach to the sport, imagining it as a complicated animalistic ritual. His famous voice explains how a pack of "sliding curlers" mark their territory: The alpha female tosses an "oversized walnut" down a "frozen river" while the herd "gently frisks the foreground."
Anyway, Attenborough's commentary will probably make more sense to you than NBC's announcers.
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Though it was first contested at the 1908 Summer Olympics, women's figure skating has been a part of the Winter Olympics since 1924. Sonja Henie was the first female skater to win gold consecutively for three Winter Olympics, from 1928 to 1936.
Yuna Kim became South Korea's first Olympic gold medalist when she debuted at the 2010 Winter Games. Kim is one of the most anticipated athletes to watch at the 2014 Winter Olympics, in which she will reportedly compete for the last time.
American skater Dick Button is a two-time single skating gold medalist. He debuted at the Winter Olympics in 1948, when he became the first skater to successfully land a double axel in competition. Button won gold again when he landed a triple loop -- the first triple jump of any kind -- in 1952.
Today, skaters execute much more intricate moves. Russian skater Evengi Plushenko, silver medalist at the 2010 Olympic Games, is known for the Biellmann spin, a one-foot spin in which the skater forms a teardrop shape by holding the other foot extended behind the head.
Bobsleigh has been a part of the Winter Olympics since the first games in 1924. The event has taken place at every Winter Game, except for 1960 when the organizing committee refused to build a track due to budget cuts.
Switzerland was bobsleigh's first gold medal country in 1924, and has since been known (along with Germany) for its skilled bobsledders at the games. However, in 2010, Team USA's four-man bobsled team won gold for the first time since 1948.
Men's speed skating has been a sport in the Winter Olympics since 1924, when American skater Charles Jewtraw became the first gold medalist in the 500-meter race. Electronic clocks weren't introduced to the Olympics until 1960, so timing issues were a huge issue. Today, skaters race on an ice-covered two-lane rink, most of which are indoors.
In 2010, skater Moe Tae-Bum became the first Korean to win a gold medal in a long-track speed skating event -- a huge upset, as he was ranked 14th in the world.
Ski jumping has been an event since the first Winter Olympics in 1924, but it wasn't until 1964 that hill jumps of various sizes were introduced.
Finnish ski jumper Veikko Kankkonen was the first individal gold medalist in men's normal hill, with a total of 229.9 feet. Swiss athlete Simon Ammann won the gold medal in 2010 with a winning score of 276.5 feet.
Snowboarding may be the baby of the Winter Olympics, having only been around since 1998, but the sport has advanced rapidly in terms of tricks and skill. The first gold medalist, Swiss snowboarder Glen Simmen, won in the men's halfpipe with tricks that 2010 gold medalist and American crowd favorite Shaun White would probably consider a warm-up.
Downhill skiing was not introduced to the Winter Olympics until 1948, when French skiier Henri Oreiller took home the gold with 2:55.0 time -- a four-second margin over the runner-up. Oreillier was dubbed the "madman of downhill."
Enter Swiss skiier Didier Défago, who won the 2010 downhill competition with a time of 1:54.31 -- just .07 seconds faster than the runner up, and the closest time margin in Olympic history.
The combined sport of cross-country skiing and rifle shooting first made its appearance at the Winter Olympics in 1960. Swedish athlete Klas Lestander was the only one out of 30 competitors with a perfect shooting score, despite a time that ranked 15th, thus becoming the biathlon's first Olympic gold medalist.
Lestander's 1:33:21.6 time wouldn't even qualify for today's Winter Olympics. In 2010, Norwegian skiier Emile Hegle Svendsen placed first with a time of 48:22.5 and only one shooting penalty.
Luge was supposed to debut at the Winter Olympics in 1960, but like bobsleigh, it lacked the proper track at the venue. It joined the games in 1964, when German luger Thomas Kohler became the first gold medalist in men's singles luge, then again in 1968.
Germany has continued to boast a strong standing in Olympic luging. In 2010, gold medalist Felix Loch represented the country in men's singles.
Ice hockey was actually first introduced in 1920 at the Summer Olympics. Unsurprisingly, Canada has withheld its reputation in the sport, having won the very first match at the 1924 Winter Olympics, as well as the last in 2010.