I've just told my new personal assistant that she sucks. She responds very calmly, telling me that my outburst may result in "early-onset rampancy" before giving me the silent treatment.

She's not really my personal assistant, of course, and she doesn't actually suck. Her name is Cortana, Microsoft's new voice-enabled virtual assistant for Windows Phone, and I've been trying to stump her with some offbeat requests.

Generally, she's been doing OK — although, like her cousins Siri and Google Now, Cortana will shunt me to a list of search results if she can't figure out what I'm saying. But she often surprises me with spurts of cleverness. Microsoft has clearly prepared her with plenty of semi-sassy statements to amuse users when they decide to have a little fun with her.

And they will. The Microsoft team researched how people were interacting with Windows Phone's current, fairly primitive voice commands. They found that more than 10% was what Microsoft describes as "chitchat" — semi-silly requests like "tell me a joke" or "where are you from?"

The chitchat statistic helped guide Microsoft's overall approach to building Cortana: Creating a service — perhaps the better word is "entity" — that really gets to know its user, so it doesn't just react to requests. Once she gets to know you, Cortana can anticipate what you'll ask, and serve up information before you even do so.

The human factor

While the chitchat is basically canned answers, it meets an expectation on the user's part: That the assistant should seem at least somewhat human. If Cortana talks to users in a natural, conversational way, they will probably want to talk to her more. Thus, Microsoft dedicated a whole team to creating chitchat answers.

Image: Mashable, Karissa Bell

Microsoft also added a brilliant differentiator: people reminders. While iOS and Android can tie reminders to specific times and places, with Cortana, Windows Phone is the only mobile platform that can attach reminders to individuals: "Remind me to ask Dave about the new house next time I talk to him."

"People were using standard reminder apps to do things that were associated with a person," said Microsoft's Marcus Ash, program manager for the Cortana team. "The problem is the reminder wouldn't fire when you're actually talking to them. So we thought why not make it fire when you talk to the person."

But it's the anticipatory philosophy behind Cortana that really makes her tick — not to mention differentiates her from Siri. Whereas Apple's assistant is centered around voice control and only appears when you call upon her, Cortana is more than just voice. She's looking at your calendar, your contacts and even your email to make connections and serve up information when it makes sense.

For example, if you ask Cortana about the weather every day around the same time, after a few days, she'll suggest telling you the weather at that time, without you even asking. Likewise, if you text someone often, Cortana might ask if that contact should be added to your favorites list (called the "Inner Circle").

"What people want is something that has context," Ash said. "Bringing in this proactive 'I can anticipate what you want,' felt like the future to us."

You can certainly say no, and Microsoft said that Cortana won't look at any of your data you don't want her to. In fact, if you want her to just behave like Siri, with no "getting to know you" factor, you can choose that, too.

Avoiding creepiness

Making Cortana's anticipatory features purely opt-in lets Microsoft avoid accusations of hypocrisy in light of its "Scroogled" campaign that criticized Google for reading people's emails to customize ads. Now that Microsoft is creating its own services powered by personal data, it's walking a fine line.

"People can be delighted by systems that do things on your behalf, but you have to make sure this stuff isn't creepy," Ash said. "The customer has to feel like they're in control of the system, not the other way around."

In Cortana's case, it may be worth it. While Google is also dedicating a lot of resources to natural language processing and context-based requests (such as search results that factor in your last search), the result isn't quite as "personal." Google Now serves up some great data, but you wouldn't think to ask about its thoughts on Larry Page.

Helping Cortana seem human is the human behind her voice: Jen Taylor. Cortana is named after the holographic assistant from the Halo universe, and Taylor has been voicing her since the first game title back in 2001. She does the chitchat answers and key phrases, but because of the sheer amount of recording needed, Taylor's voice is supplemented by others.

"She's going to be the voice of Cortana," Ash said. "She does all the chit-chat now. For other [phrases], it's a hybrid of voices, but we're working with Jen to replace our overall voice."

Cortana, at least the beta version, will make her debut in Windows Phone 8.1, with an official release later in April. While Microsoft's digital assistant is coming late to the party, its big-picture, personalized approach could be a key long-term differentiator.

"The future is really in a learning system getting so good that it gives you insights about yourself that you don't even realize," Ash said. "That's been our long-term vision."

It will take years for that vision to be realized, but a device that can offer just the right information by anticipating your needs and knowing your context (sometimes assisted by beacons) is approaching the behavior of a living, breathing personal assistant. Cortana will probably never save the world with Master Chief, but she's definitely a personality the future could fall in love with.

Have something to add to this story? Share it in the comments.