You can't celebrate your success without admiring your failure. Similarly, we as a civilization cannot recognize our monumental achievements in technology without remembering our more questionable ideas.
Below we've collected some of the wackier designs to cross the U.S. Patent Office in the 19th century. Ranging from an animatronic creeping baby to a diving dress that transforms you into a deep-sea bullet, these patents will make you wonder what their creators were thinking.
See also: 7 Inventors Killed by Their Own Inventions
The patents distinctly symbolize an optimistic America — one that thought you could send a man soaring through the air with just a little fabric and wire. These patent drawings reveal what a strange time the 19th century was for American innovation.
Have something to add to this story? Share it in the comments.
How else could you smoke a tobacco pipe on a hot day? A fan that oscillates mechanically doesn't sound too far off from the widely successful electric fan, but it's the giant sheet overhead that really gets us. The device was apparently powered by what looks like a dangling cowbell. Patented in 1830.
A design for those looking to break out of the traditional Diver Dan style. Instead, this one would apparently make you look like a bullet. Patented in 1810.
An animatronic duck with motorized legs, so it can swim on its own. Branded as an "aquatic toy." Patented in 1870.
It's the epitome of comfort: a contraption that fans you while you rock in the attached chair. Honestly, we're not sure where this ingenious invention went. Patented in 1847.
The first attempt at hang gliding? Looks totally safe. We're not sure how this patent could have possibly gone wrong. Patented in 1869.
And you thought life jackets were bad. This incredible design is a whole boat that you can actually wear. Patented in 1837.
This headgear was apparently supposed to prevent drowning, but we're not quite sure how it would work. Patented in 1826.
"Creep" really says it all for this strange device, which certainly won't be climbing out of the uncanny valley any time soon. Patented in 1871.