Mahmood Khan

Tip 76: Avoid the Term Negotiate When Possible. The word negotiate connotes a winner and a loser, or at best a compromise between two dissatisfied people. Instead of “negotiating” use phrasing such as “come to an agreement,” “work out a plan,” or “arrive at a workable solution.” Wording goes a long way in establishing a friendly atmosphere where everybody feels like a winner. Tip 77: Consider Several Kinds of Goals Before You Begin Discussions. To make sure you don’t get sidetracked in talking, identify several different kinds of goals: your primary goal, your immediate goals, your long-term goals, your “nice to haves,” and your safeguards. Within each of these frameworks, set ranges. What is the “best” you can expect and what is the “worst” position you can accept? Keep all in mind as you work toward agreement. Tip 78: Research Your Position and the Situation. Take the time and make the effort to support your position or requests. Read. Gather statistics. Talk to experts. Survey others for majority opinions. When you get ready to talk, you’ll have adequate facts and opinions to support what you want done. And the more you know, the better your position to negotiate a win for everybody involved. Tip 79: Set Up a Cooperative Atmosphere. When the other person feels like a loser in your discussions, you’ll worsen your own position. Yes, work to get what you need, but work also to get the other person what he or she needs. Body language, tone, and word choice go a long way in establishing cooperation rather than competition. Tip 80: Give Something at the Very Beginning. When you start a discussion, be gracious enough to offer something for the good of the others involved: give them a small gift, buy them dinner, spend extra time with them, give attention to their hobby or family, or concede a point. Thoughtfulness in any of these ways returns to dividends. Giving something makes the other person feel as though he or she should reciprocate. Tip 81: State Your Needs Up Front and Ask the Other Person to Do the Same. You can both investigate invalid assumptions and find common areas of agreement before you tackle more difficult issues. Often people are surprised--pleasantly--that people’s wants and needs are easier to satisfy than they first assumed. Tip 82: Mention Everything You Want Sooner, Not Later. If you delay in mentioning a key issue until later in the discussion, chances are the other person will consider your attempt to be deceptive. To avoid casting doubt on your intentions, start with all the issues on the table. Tip 83: Bring Success Stories to the Table. As you begin discussions about conflicts or needs, suggest that both of you relate ways you’ve seen other people solve the same problem or conflict you’re facing. Tossing out these stories as alternatives offers a starting point for your own situation in a “safe” way--sharing them reminds both people that success is possible. Tip 84: Make Good Eye Contact as You Negotiate. If you avoid eye contact or look at the other person only briefly as you talk, that person may interpret your lack of contact as evasiveness, dishonesty, incompetence, or lack of conviction. To show your honesty and openness, look at people directly. Tip 85: Start on the Less Important Issues and Work Toward the More Difficult. You’ll gain momentum toward agreement, and you’ll have more time invested in finding a resolution. The more “success” you have in turning each minor point to a mutual advantage, the more emotional strength you’ll gain to work on the more complex issues. Tip 86: Get Others to Invest in Agreement. The more time, money, or effort people have spent in negotiating, the more likely they will continue trying to come to agreement. They hate to think all that work, money, and frustration, or delay has amounted to nothing. The more time they spend working with you to hammer out an agreement, the more committed they will be to working out any problems that crop up along the way. Tip 87: Start with Goals, Then Move to Solutions. If you start with solutions to a problem and one or both of you can’t accept the stated solutions, you may remain at odds forever. If, on the other hand, you state only your goals or motivations, then you can either accept or reject solutions as necessary and still come to an agreement that allows both of you to meet your goals. Tip 88: Adopt a Brainstorming Technique to Generate Solutions. Once you have stated goals or motivations, then generate possible solutions together as a team rather than as adversaries. After you have a list of possible solutions, select the best two or three solutions and focus on those. Finally, work out the details of each of those solutions and select the best. Tip 89: Substitute “We” for “You and I.” Let language imply your intention to work out an agreement to everyone’s advantage. Examples: “What would we have to do to get X to happen?” “What if we changed our criteria for hiring to include only five years’ experience?” “How can we design this schedule so your people don’t have to work overtime and so our people can meet the customer’s deadline?” Tip 90: Tag the Other Person’s Unalterable Positions. As you brainstorm solutions and test the details, tag unalterable positions the other person mentions or implies. Determine the difference between “won’t” and “cant’s.” Once you tag the unalterable, you’ll know how much leeway you really have in coming to agreement. Tip 91: Ask for More Than You Expect. First, you might be surprised and get everything that you want. Additionally, you allow yourself room to move--trading coupons for other issues you want to buy during the discussion. Finally, you have some spare coupons to give to the other person to make him or her feel like a winner also. Tip 92: Negotiate by “The Golden Rule.” Treat others with the same respect for their best interests as you would like to have shown for your own best interests. This rule should set the stage and raise and lower the curtain on any successful discussion.