Nothing says Christmas spirit like a child's heartfelt letter to Santa asking for a sleigh filled with presents. But it's 2013, so an Amazon link will totally suffice.
Twitter user @Gequeoman tweeted a letter to Jolly Old St. Nick that replaced an old-fashioned list of toys with a URL that gets straight to the point.
See also: 15 Totally Concerning Toys From Your Childhood
Dear Santa pic.twitter.com/715ZYRsr1n
— Gequeoman (@Gequeoman) November 29, 2013
While the letter's source hasn't been verified, it's not unreasonable to believe a small child wrote it. Many kids are now raised on iPads and smartphone apps.
A few Redditors took the time to figure out which toy prompted this child's request to visit the North Pole. As it turns out, all he wants for Christmas is a $20 remote-controlled car.
Who are we kidding? Jeff Bezos is basically Santa with free two-day shipping (and soon, perhaps, 30-minute delivery).
BONUS: 10 Christmas Movies Made Less Magical by Adulthood
Watch, as Tim Allen wears pants that are comically over-sized! His initials are already SC -- what a wacky coincidence!
Trying to forget his part in an accidental death, a man's body morphs rapidly and inexplicably into someone he barely recognizes.
In light of these changes, his young son is taken away, and soon the police are on his tail. This is the plot of The Santa Clause you won't find on the back of your old VHS case.
An adult who won't yell at you when you burp or jump on the bed? The fact that he knew Santa personally was just a bonus.
We know Buddy is really an adorably innocent, fake elf. So it's easy not to question Jolie's acceptance of the fact that he's not a peeping tom so easily.
But if this was an episode of Law and Order, Buddy might have a Christmas fetish -- and the next time they were alone, she'd launch a sharpened candy cane in the back.
If anything, for revealing the truth about Elmer's.
Complete with resistance to social engagements and emotions.
Yes, yes. We know. Messages of hope and love, and the importance of one man's life when it touches others. But black and white is so boring.
If you're happy with your career you can enjoy the film and the moral. If you're watching your Facebook friends travel the world and get promotions while you're still living at your parent's house you might focus on George Bailey's despair instead of his ultimate lesson.
Near-death experience or not, that looked friggin' awesome.
No one in the Griswold family ever heard of a cot or a sleeping bag?
It was like playing Mousetrap, but with fire.
What a self-sufficient kid, grocery shopping and setting a series of deadly traps for would-be burglars.
But if Kevin was capable of hitting the town for a toothbrush and some detergent, wouldn't it have been easier to just swing by the police department?
And the lip syncing.
Because you never know when your ex is going to show up at the karaoke bar where you're crying and singing Adele.
They were so cute and fluffy! Like the eventual walking and poop-scooping that would follow a new puppy, you eliminated the possibility that your Gremlin might become a scaly monster.
The kids are definitely not all right. High schooler Billy and his girlfriend are both bank tellers with their own name tags and everything -- which seems a little strange, but not unheard of.
But why is a high school girl handling the week-day night shift at a bar? And is she in therapy to deal with discovering the truth about Santa in the world's worst possible way?
Adults may not have understood, but without that one special gift, Christmas is just pointless.
Why wasn't anyone watching the kids when they were experimenting with spit-freeze? Why didn't a parent wait with them in line at the mall?
John Mulany said it best.
You've been hurt. You like to feed the birds. All the pieces of the puzzle are coming together.
Image: Flickr, moonlightbulb