So you got a little basketball jones there, pal? You love the NBA, huh? Big LeBron James fan, eh? Oh, what's that? You're LeBron's biggest fan?
Well, it's time for a news flash, chief: You don't love LeBron James like this fan loves LeBron James.
See also: The Winter Paralympics Are Amazing Whether You Watch Them or Not
The fellow in question — and we have so many questions — came into The Juice Spot, a Miami juice bar run by James' wife, to share his love of LeBron. King James was so moved that he posted this photo to Instagram:

LeBron's caption:
This dude came into the @thejuicespot with his lady today. Got him some juices and showed me this while he was at it. Had to take a flick with him #WOW #WitnessHistory #StriveForGreatness
We are definitely on board with #wow, but the other two are harder to decipher.
Just whose greatness is James referencing — his own or that of the inked-up fan and juice-drinker? And who is witnessing what here? On the one hand, this fan is among James' many "witnesses" (Nike built a whole campaign around that conceit once upon a time, after all). But James — along with the rest of us — is now a witness in his own right.
We just hope our protagonist here isn't one of the Heat fans who gave a textbook lesson in doing it wrong during last year's NBA Finals.

This runaway vehicle wreaked minor on-field havoc following a high school football championship in Texas last December. But a heroic bystander hopped aboard and put on the brakes.
No casualties occurred, and the clip immediately became Internet legend.
Watch out for the ricochet, goalie! This kid gets it in the right in the chops.
What happens when you put an inflatable dinosaur on rollerblades and ask it to skate down a flight of stairs? Amazingness, that's what.
In sports, to "flop" is to exaggerate the force of contact in hopes of drawing a favorable call from officials. But you've got to time it much, much better than this guy does.
Apparently, if you hug a member of the opposite team after scoring a goal in hockey, you will get punched in the face.
This kid is just in the wrong place at the wrong time...to the benefit of the rest of us.
College football mascots are supposed to represent their schools in a fun, positive light — which doesn't typically include picking fights. Here, the University of Oregon's duck slams the University of Houston's cougar.
Bonus points for the sick elbow drop, though.
Not saying we could successfully lift 432 pounds above our heads, but dang, that looks painful.
German weightlifter Matthias Steiner dropped this massive barbell on his neck during the London Olympics this summer, but escaped serious injury.
Sometimes, when you fail, you actually win.
Why jump over hurdles when you could just RUN STRAIGHT THROUGH THEM?
File under: Never, Ever Gets Old.
After what could best be described as an "optimistic" shot attempt in a game last season, NBA center JaVale McGee showed some nice hustle getting back on defense. Only problem? His team still had the ball.
But that wasn't McGee's only legendary moment. Here, he shows why it's not a good idea to try dunking from the free throw line mid-game.
For some reason, London's Olympic promotions this summer involved hanging Mayor Boris Johnson on a zipline while waving a pair of tiny flags.
Then he got stuck halfway through and it was pretty much the best, funniest, awkwardest thing that could have happened.
Major Leaguer Kendry Morales broke his lower left leg while celebrating a game-winning grand slam in 2010. This edited video provides the before, during and after rundown.
See? White guys can jump? It's just the landing that's the hard part.
The announcer here sums it up perfectly. She calls this attempt from the 1992 Olympics "an absolute failed dive."
What begins as an innocent enough piggyback ride atop a fuzzy mascot turns into a pretty epic collision — and YouTube gold.
Dude! If you're gonna pump up the crowd like that, you can't just faceplant into the sand.
When you think about it, is there any better way to celebrate a touchdown than by pegging an unsuspecting spectator in the face? Bonus points for originality, at least.
You'd think a professional golfer could put the ball in the hole with less than 16 strokes. Kevin Na — and the rest of the world — found out otherwise on this par-four hole at the 2011 Valero Texas Open.
Well, that's one way of doing it...right?
Tie game, clock winding down — it's always better to get one last attempt up than just let the game go into overtime. A full court desperation heave with a 11 seconds to go is never the way to do it, however.
This classic gaffe by the University of Connecticut's Roscoe Smith came during a matchup of top teams in 2011.
Its veracity may be suspect, but this 2008 YouTube classic has more than 12.7 million views, despite a mind-numbing soundtrack.
The summer of 2011 was a tough time for NBA star LeBron James. It was full of lingering ill-will for his decision to the leave the Cleveland Cavaliers and snarky schadenfreude over his initial failure to win a championship with the Miami Heat.
So it makes perfect sense that he'd let off some steam by viciously dunking on a tiny kid at summer camp, right? That's what happens at the 0:43 mark of this video.
We're not quite sure why this mascot thought standing on top of a basketball rim was a good idea.