How exactly are you supposed to feel when your best friends can't accept your success because they didn't make it but you did and grow cold on you? Best friends!!! Huh!!! It seems to be mocking me , honestly. All the pictures that we guys have with each other on Facebook are mocking me, all the memories that we had in the five years of our degree are mocking me, all the efforts I have given in the friendship are mocking me. It was the last thing I expected from my so called best buddies. Now if I made it and they didn't , how exactly could I help it? We all shared whatever materials there were to make it happen but still if they didn't make it, should they be really behaving like this? I am not one of those persons who expresses their emotions. My friends will never even know that this is how I felt about the whole thing. As this is my blog, this is where I can be myself. And eventually I will get over it. I will accept it that my best friends weren't what I thought them to be. And once again I will suffer from the trust issues. Already the trust issues killed my ability to express myself, to let someone know that I care in a romantic relationship. And now even with friends I guess I would be the colder one. What's the point of giving any effort when I know that eventually nothing will matter? Nothing at all? Jealousy is not something I really expected from them. I knew it would hurt them, not making it. But they would be so envious, that was something I simply didn't understand. If I am honest to myself, I can say that I am not a jealous person myself. I believe in achieving things, working for it, giving efforts and jealousy is one thing that kills the soft core that you have inside you. At least that is how I see it. Yeah when I see someone doing better only because s/he got lucky, I do feel sad but jealous? I don't think so. And if someone deserves what s/he achieved why on earth would I or should I be jealous!! S/he worked for it for crying out loud!! And moreover with regard to my performance, I had the better academic result so my making it is no luck, no miracle. I DESERVED IT DAMMIT. So why should they be so blind with this green eyed envy? I wish someone would tell me what or where I went wrong here....