Bitcoin is everywhere these days. You can't escape it, you can't spend it — you have no idea if you even own it. And you can only pretend like you know exactly what it is for so long.
As a service to the world, Conan O'Brien recruited Bitcoin COO Marcus Ortman (not really) to explain what the complicated tech concept is in layman's terms.
See also: A Complete, Interactive History of Bitcoin
"Bitcoin is an open source synergistic flow matrix facilitating e-transference of digital assets," Ortman says.
Still lost? "Imagine that you are in a snow globe where every snowflake is a unique and beautiful coin-portunity," the COFaux adds.
Oh, fail. Who knows? It has something to do with the Illuminati, we think.
BONUS: Everything You Need to Know About Bitcoin in 2 Minutes