Not cool, Ryan. Not cool at all.
You'd like to follow the Britney/Mark Facebook drama, but what if you're jumping in halfway through the passive-aggressive status update war? It would be good to know who's actually involved before you take your stance.
(Although we heard that Britney was being totally unreasonable.)
I mean, just how crazy is she? You better check that out so you can evaluate whether Charlie is really worth the risk.
He was up looking at your profile until 3 a.m. again?
Stop the baby photos before they start.
Fun fact: Facebook really does let your friends announce that they're expecting. Have you ever seen anyone use it? No. No you have not.
You saw them canoodling near the punch table, but did something really happen?
This notification could be subtle, like how she subtly altered the photo so she looked skinnier.
It might also be nice to get an alert if you're guilty of some annoying Facebook activity, but we know, of course, that you would never be capable of something like that.
No one likes a gossip, we know. And we would never condone catty behavior. But Facebook just makes it so easy.
We don't remember how we stalked our exes, judged our enemies or kept track of so much drama before social media, but we've certainly developed a knack for it now.
See also: How to Delete Your Creeper Facebook Search History
However, as useful as Facebook can be for these tasks, the social network does tend to sugarcoat the more dramatic bits of our News Feed. So-and-so "changed their relationship status to single?" Come on, we all know there's more to the story.
Here are the eight types of Facebook notifications we'd love to see. Go ahead, revel in the drama. We won't tell.
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Image: iStockphoto, JaysonPhotography